Every House of Blues is basically the same. I sat in the smoking area upstairs at the back of the HoB in Austin, TX. I got a call at around 3 am from Sampson. He only calls when a band cancels on a gig, and he only calls me when he’s out of options. I don’t always make it when he needs me, but this time I was in Galveston at the time. No big trip. A few hours and I was in Austin.

I couldn’t tell you the name of the band that was headlining tonight. What I could tell you was that local band Sampson got to open sucks balls. Good damn thing he called us. Miya and Uzu are backstage right now. The noise has stopped so that must mean we’ll be going on in a few minutes.

I looked out into the night. I couldn’t help it. Part of my pre-show prep is always to remember. I can’t help it. Especially not in when I’m in an HoB. This place always reminds me of Kazuhiro.

Never stop longing.

That’s what he always told me. Never stop desiring, because when you stop wanting you become susceptible to the monster inside that’s trying to consume you. That’s when we truly stop being human. Never stop being human.

I know, it’s a contradiction. I should have been under the autopsy knife 20 years ago. But I wasn’t. I lived through death and then I slowly let myself die. Kazuhiro reminded me that just because my body has different needs, I should never stop living. Never stop doing the things that make you feel alive.

My thought were interrupted by a voice.

“Paramore fan?”

“Huh?” I looked at my shirt. I was wearing an oversized Paramore shirt with the sleeves and neck cut off so it would hang over my shoulder. Strappy black pants and flip flops completed the deal. Oh yeah, and more make-up than most runway models. Then again, if I don’t wear make-up my face washes completely out on stage. Not seeing the sun for two decades will do that to you.

“Yeah.” I reply with a smile. I look up to see a couple of girls. They introduce themselves and Jamie and Liz.

The conversation mostly revolves around Paramore’s new album which hasn’t come out yet and how awesome their new songs are. Liz is part of Paramore’s fan club. They can’t wait to see them live. I laugh and joke with them.

This is generally how it happens. I find myself consumed in thought when someone comes to talk to me and I’m reminded that I can’t sit there like the dead letting the cigarette burn down. Mostly because I am the dead and being unnaturally creepy is a bad thing in public. I’m already pumping blood through my veins to make myself look alive. Every camera in the building can pick me up, but I need to concentrate on it.

As time ticks by I realize I’m probably needed on stage soon and sure enough my phone starts ringing.

Where the fuck are you? It says. Miyako always had a way with words.

“Ladies I apologize but the next sets gonna start and I heard these guys a pretty fucking good.”

“Really?” Jamie asks me. “I’ve never heard of them.”

Liz nods. “I’m friends with the merch guy and he said they had to pull the band from Galveston because everyone else dropped out.”

Damn. They’re good. That’s privy information. I have to giggle. “Why don’t you give them a shot?” I get up. “Gotta go.”

It takes only a few minutes to get backstage again. Miyako rips a new one, as she always does, while Uzuo giggles. I shake hands with the bassist we got. He’s also a buddy of Sampson’s from out of town and he knows all of our songs. He also happens to know the cover we’ll be playing tonight. Good damn thing.

The curtain goes back and we file onto the stage. Mechanically I grab my guitar. I’ve got my lav on already. The lights beat heat onto my skin like a faded memory. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know how hot they are, but they barely breath that pressure on my cold skin.

I scan the audience and there they are: Liz and Jamie. I can see the amused expression on their faces. I smile and wave. They know it’s intended for them. I can almost hear the heat creep up their faces from here.

I close my eyes and listen for the expectation. This is it. The crowd is waiting. Every one of them. They’re waiting to be entertained and I aim to please.

This is my way to never forget.

This is the thing that keeps the beast at bay.

This is the thing that makes me feel alive.

I call the blood in my body, touch that part of myself that makes me a Succubus. I want them to want me, and unlike most bands, in just a few seconds, they will. I feel the power prickly up the back of my neck. When I open my eyes everyone in the room will have eyes only form me.

They’re mine.

“First I want to thank Liz and Jamie. They were very kind to me just a little while ago. This first song goes out to you ladies.”

The riff starts. A song of defiance. A song of freedom. My body moves of its own accord. I’ve done it a million times and it will never get old. Every drop of vitae in my body is coursing and like always, I lie to myself. I tell myself in these precious moments that I am alive… and really, it’s not a lie.

The physical state of my body has no bearing on my eternal soul. In this moment and the many like it, my soul is alive. It’s not about what I take from humanity to survive, it’s about how much I can give back in return. This is my gift. This is my offering to the old gods. To the monster that spawned my line. How appropriate that a Persian woman became a Daeva.

I will not consume. I will reinvigorate the world. I will set it on fire in my own way.

We run through a few songs and it’s time to wrap now. I’m not even winded. I’ve poured water on myself to make it look like I’ve perspired, but in reality, it’s just water. What funny is that even bore ghouling her, Miya could play drums for hours and never slow.

I smile at her and she smiles back. Time for our splashy exit.

“So before we leave you tonight I wanted to plug some friends of mine. They’re coming out with a new album soon. Maybe you’ve heard of them. They’re called Paramore.”

The crowd explodes. It seems they have some fans here.

“Well it looks like you have. And since I’m all about shamelessly promoting other bands who deserve it, I’d like to give you a treat before we go. This is a little song called Ignorance.”

The catchy rift starts and the crowd goes back to that exploding thing. For a fleeting second I feel bad for the headliner. They’re never be this good. Then again, I don’t play fair. It’s easy to channel this song. I’ve lived it. I even helped Haley write this one. Hell, half the words are mine. She just put them together. I’m especially proud of the war/rapture comment.

The song comes to a close and the tension is building. This is what I wake up every night for. This is truly what it means to be alive.

“Well it’s nice to meet you sir. I guess I’ll go. I best be on my way out.”

Boomer was a million miles away.

She kept replaying Ruktis' cryptic message in her head. She'd shrugged it off. Laughed at the audacity of it... but what if he was right? He certainly wasn't *the* most powerful mage that Boomer had ever encountered, but he was up there. He had after all gone on the kind of astral journey that most mages only go on once in a lifetime. Even them, some never go down the path he did. He came back. He saw the abyss. Both metaphorically, and with his own two astral eyes.

The wave was coming and he was certain that unless he tried, many of us would die. Her. Ruk said she would die. So would Alexander. He would be there to help break that wave. But where would he be? Would he die? Would she never see him again? Never get to watch him finally start to hold his own son in his arms? Or would he be right there. The breaker right before the shore line?

A frustrated sigh was all she could manage. Words eluded her. After all, what was there to say? The end of the world was not something that you really have a lot of control over. Either it happens or it doesn't and while the precept of one raindrop raising the ocean is a pretty thought, it's kind of like Santa Clause. It's a pretty lie we tell our young so that when they're old enough at least they grew up with Hope.

Hope.

That was all Boomer had. Hope that her son would have a future. Hope that she could still be and Adamantine Arrow and never be forced to walk out on that battlefield again.

Was it selfish of her to want?

Didn't matter.

She was going to do it anyway. The Pentacle had only ever given her something to die for. Alexander was something to live for.

Sleep eventually came to her on that worn but wonderful sofa. Her only companions were the sounds of soft breathing that drifted to her through the baby monitor. Alexander had taken to sleeping with his head right next to the speaker and the sounds couldn't be more comforting to a young mother.

It seemed counterintuitive. Dissecting every small event of the day and trying to figure out if there was any level of joy in any of the things that she’d done. There were so many little things sprinkled through the day that were done out of habit. She’d never stopped to ask herself if she enjoyed them.

As it turned out, there were a few that she did enjoy.

Monday April 20, 2009

Showers, cooking, and reading were the things that were easiest to identify. She felt good after doing them. She felt good while doing them. They were mood altering activities and the change was a positive one.

There were things that she just did not enjoy. Some that she had tried today for the very first time just to see what she thought of them. Day time television (and perhaps TV in general), certain kinds of music, and gardening disagreed with her. Severely disagreed with. Gardening was quite possibly the most surprising.

She did little tending in the garden out back because mostly it cared for itself and Ruk did the rest when he was around. Occasionally the plants needed a little help. Boomer, as it turns out, path notwithstanding, had black thumbs. She just hated the work. She actually caught herself thinking about the list of other things she’d like to try or praying for the baby to start crying and take her away form these tasks. It was a good sign that she should stop, so she did, which ultimately led to the revelation of the shower.

Tuesday April 21, 2009

There were tasks that she had no preference for or felt that she couldn’t quite make up her mind. Laundry for example. Laundry did not really bring her joy, she did it out of habit, or necessity. She was otherwise ambivalent. Meditation was still up in the air too. She didn’t think about anything when she was meditating. That was kind of the point. Control and reaching a zen-like-state. After she always felt calmer, but empty. The jury was still out on whether it was good thing.

She’d dedicated Tuesdays to the study of Cabal and Consillium structure. She was looking for that happy medium that she could write the schools laws into. This week Tuesday also happened to be one of Klepto’s days off so they spent most of the day studying and practicing. Abadon often came over on Klepto’s days off to teach him the things that Boomer couldn’t about magic.

Boomer realized she liked teaching. She like helping people understand a subject. Today’s lesson: an intense look at Paradox.

Wednesday April 22, 2009

Shopping sucked. The hype about women and shopping made Boomer decide to dedicate a whole day to the endeavor, or at least several hours of the busiest part of the day. At around 11 am she arrived at the Mall of Millennia in Orlando. She spent the next three hours there wandering from place to place. The baby spent most of the three hours in his stroller.

Really, she hated it. Clothing was of no interest so a good 30% of what the mall had to offer, offered her little. Shoes were also a moot point. She couldn’t see the allure.

There were a few stores that utterly offended her senses. Places like Bath & Body works, Candle & Co., Vitoria Secret Body, and anything else that sold a product that stunk. If it weren’t for an innate control of her body, she would have walked away with a serious headache. The baby didn’t much seem to like them either. He covered his nose and mouth every time they passed too close to one.

Mall food was a joke.

There were a few shops that piqued here interest. There was a small gaming store and they had some video games that she considered buying until she realized she didn’t play video games. She bought them for that reason. She was after all trying new things.

She moved out of the main mall and started going to the surrounding shops in the Millennia strip. There was a small smoke shop across the street that was quaint. They had hookahs. Then there was the IKEA. She spent another three hours in IKEA. It wasn’t so much that she enjoyed it so overwhelmingly… perhaps that was it. It was overwhelming. There was so much there. It was a mall unto itself. She roamed around for those hours just taking in everything that IKEA had to offer. She got ideas about what things she could get for the baby as he grew up. There were great space savers. Nifty compartmentalized things. It was all just extraordinary.

She drove home that evening pleased with her research if not altogether pleased with the experiences. Boomer learned something else that was valuable that day. She learned she liked the internet much more.

Thursday April 23, 2009

Meditation came early in the morning. She couldn’t really focus because Ruk had been on his astral journey for several days by that point and it was imperative that he be checked on regularly. She was afraid they’d have to put in a catheter soon and she wasn’t sure if that would wake him up, but too much longer and his bladder might explode.

Practice with her forms and katas brought her joy. She kind of thought it might.

Then there was the crux of the argument. As the sun came to its height in the sky she started to think about her son. Alexander brought her joy, but often too confusions, fear and uncertainty. She loved her son. Of that much she was sure. He’d kind of been like a salvation. She’d lived a life entirely devoid of feeling. She didn’t care about people, places, or things. They had a purpose, even if that purpose was as innocuous as being a cover.

She’d never read to enjoy it. She’d read to be well read because you never know when the knowledge would come in handy. She’d never went out to the movies to enjoy the company of the people she went with. She’d gone to add depth to her cover stories and make them appear as though the lie she was living was true. Now she had the opportunity to truly live as herself and she wasn’t sure who herself was. Alexander had given her that. Having a son had pulled her away from a life on the road dedicated to only the fight, the hunt, and the search for answers that ultimately she knew she’d never find.

So now she had to look at herself and truly wonder if she was enough. Was she good enough to raise a son? Was she ready? Was she really even herself anymore?

One o’clock meant nap time. It was like clockwork. Somewhere between the chime of 1 and a quarter passed the hour Alexander could be found somewhere in the house fast asleep. Once, he’d managed to climb his way a whole three feet off the ground onto an empty space in the entertainment center and close the door behind him. The effort of getting back down coupled with nap time’s drug like effect meant that at 1:27 Boomer, slightly frantic found him in there sitting next to the DVD player fast asleep.

Today he lay in his crib sleeping soundly and wholly. Boomer stood in her bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror. It took only a few moments consideration to realize that it wasn’t her anymore. She’d spent so long making little changes to her appearance and reinforcing them magically every few weeks or so that it dawned on her that the face her son would grow up to love might not be the real face of his mother.

With a heavy sigh Boomer decided it was time to rectify that error. Her face, like her current moniker was of so many she’d taken over the years. Another fiction to best suit the occasion and though she may wear the name Boomer for years to come. It was time – in body if not in spirit – to bring back Rebekah.

She walked resolutely over to Abadon and let him know that she would be busy for a few hours. She offered him Life sight and showed him what to look for in Ruk’s vitals. A few minutes later she was in the bathroom with scissors and a razor. The hair went first. She shaved her head clean and bald, took a shower and allowed the water to beat steadily down on her as she prepared her mind, body and Supernal soul for the transformation ahead.

Thankfully, the speed at which she could ritually cast had lessened significantly since her brush with her totem. She was closer to the Supernal than ever before so when she walked into her bedroom and stood naked before a full length mirror and began to call on the power of Life itself it took less time than she imagined. Within an hour and half the damage was undone. Little things would continue to change for the next 24 hours or so, but by then everything would be exactly as it should.

When the ritual was complete, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and cocked her head to one side. It had been almost a decade since she had been completely herself. She was almost an inch shorter, five-four instead of five-five. Her hair had grown back. It was nowhere near as long as it was before and covered her head in red strands that grew lighter the further they were from the root. A natural red head.

Her nose and her eyes were set differently on her face. Her nose was a little smaller too, less pronounced than the other she’d been wearing. Her eyes were grey again. She’d forgotten they were that color. She hid them so often because they were unique and unique did no good when attempting to blend into the crowd.

The athletic slenderness of her previous form had been slightly confounded. She was less even and symmetrical. Her breasts were actually smaller. She smiled at that. It genuinely amused her that without realizing, she’d made her boobs bigger. Her hips had moved back to their natural position and she was at least three or four inches larger around the waist. She’d developed a small layer of fat too. Her ribs seemed to have shrunk in a little as well. Not enough that any one person might necessarily notice, but she did. Her chest cavity was smaller, so her middle was actually about an inch smaller around than before. With her butt having ballooned it made it all the more noticeable.

Boomer laughed out loud. Genuinely laughed until it just wasn’t funny anymore. She was pear shaped. She’d gone from a stout athletic build where everything seemed in perfect proportion… to pear shaped. Several moments of taking it all in and she decided she liked it better. She liked being just what she was.

Thankfully, most of her pants stretched. She’d have to buy new bras though.

Friday April 24, 2009

Ruk woke up that day at around noon. Boomer had been playing Tomb Raider when Abadon called from down the hallway.

They ran in and there Ruk was eyes wide away, body still prone. Boomer could tell he was going through that pins and needles effect you get when your limbs start waking up. She walked over to his bedside and Abadon turned on the bathroom light.

“I gotta piss!” They all got a good laugh out of it and Ruk demanded that he be allowed to walk to the bathroom on his own. He didn’t need their help. He left the house shortly after that and Klepto had arrived.

Abadon citing work or studies or something took off leaving Klepto and Boomer to drive out to Reliquary in the evening.

Saturday April 25, 2009

After all was said and done it had been an interesting week. Boomer would continue to pursue the things of interest to her. On Sunday they would have dinner and a movie. Klepto and Abadon had checked out that night so it would just be the three of them. The movie list was as-of-yet undecided. They would also discuss Boomer’s week and what she’d learned. Hell, they’d already talked about Ruk’s.

Ultimately they both seemed to walk away from this week citing utterly transformative experiences. Who knew what would happen next.

Well, I could tell you, but that would take away all the fun.

Boomer looked at the time. It was a quarter after eleven. Ruktis had gone out to the hospital more than twelve hours ago. She hadn’t imagined that Ruk would go the whole day at the hospital. Oh well.

She looked over at the kitchen counter and smiled. It was something she’d learned from one of her cabal mates when she was younger. Obento. They were actually supposed to be boxed lunches. They are traditional Japanese foods like rice, seaweed, egg, veggies and fish put together in a container in a design to make the food seem like a cartoon. Obento designs ranged form the simple and childish like pandas and trees to the more detailed outdoor scenes and painting simulations.

Boomer had made a simple obento. She’d taken blanched various vegetables and sushi grade fish and made a scene featuring as many of the creatures form the court of wylde as she could think to replicate. The hardest one had been sasquatch. She finally figured out that if she took a really dark piece of tuna and soaked it in soy then covered it in panko the panko would soak up the soy darkening just to a light brown and the dark of the tuna as a back drop would give it just the right color. It was the thing she was most proud of.

Normally obento was a make for young children and sometimes teenagers, so they aren’t traditionally very large... but her idea was to make enough food to feed both of them, and they each ate a great deal, so the final plating had ended up being on a three foot wide one and a half foot tall wooden plate. There were six different kinds of fish, fourteen fruits and veggies and three full boxes of dried wasabi powder. Each box made half a cup. Boomer had been keeping the food chilled in a cooler with ice.

Next to it the cooler was the present she’d bought Ruk. She and the baby had already opened all their presents. Boomer wasn’t much for holidays and this was really her first Christmas that she truly wanted to celebrate. The baby slept in quite a bit this morning so he didn’t seem to want to sleep now. Maybe he too was waiting for daddy to get home. Funny. Ruk being called daddy.

Boomer’s phone made a noise. She looked over at it. It didn’t keep ringing. It was a text message.

“Staff really low. Will have to stay overnight.” Was all it said.

So Ruk was going to be staying overnight at the hospital. It was a good thing she’d asked. Oh well.

“See you tomorrow then.” She replied via texted return.

Nothing to it. She got up and started getting ready. She put the baby in his car seat. Drained the water out of the cooler and put in a fresh batch of ice. Then packed everything into the car and headed out. At this hour, it would be tomorrow before she saw him. It would be well past midnight before she got into town.

It was a faster ride than she thought. The middle of the night after Christmas and there wasn’t a damn person on the road. She was at Florida Hospital inside of an hour and half. She considered walking through the front door, then remembered what security was like in the hospitals and visiting hours were over. She’d never get away with saying she was going to see someone. She knew there was no ‘Dr. Anderson’ on the books, and saying she was here to see the janitor sounded retarded. She pulled out her phone and sent a text message instead.

“Dr. Anderson, you’re needed in the front parking lot.”

It was a full twenty minutes later before Ruk came out the front door. Boomer wondered if he’d intended to ignore the message originally. Boomer just smiled and said, “Come on. I got something for you.”

Ruk simply followed. For a moment Boomer was afraid he wouldn’t. That he’d try and rail against it. They arrive at the van and Boomer unlocked the back doors. She pulled the cooler out.

“I hope you’re not trying to get me drunk again woman.”

Boomer just laughed. “I made you lunch. But you never came home for lunch, or dinner. So I thought I’d bring it to you.” She stopped for a minute and looked at the baby. “Besides, we couldn’t sleep.”

She cracked open the lid of the cooler and very carefully took out the long wooden plate which had been covered and sitting on top of the ice. She pushed the cooler back and laid the plate down.

“I don’t know if you’re familiar with obento.” She said casually as she carefully peeled back the cover on the food. “But I thought you might find it funny.” With a wave of her hand she revealed the platter. “It’s like art with sushi. I made the court. I hope you like it.” She pointed. “I even made Sasquatch.”

She waited there was a shocked look on Ruk’s face. “Gimme just a minute!” He almost squeaked. He took two steps back in the direction of the hospital, turned quickly back to car, grabbed one of the wolves made of white fish off the board and trotted back to the hospital. A few minutes later Ruk came back, but there was something different. He had a stethoscope around his neck, the jack was different, and so was the name tag. It dawned on Boomer what had just happened. A clone came out first and had gone back in to get the real Ruk. She shook her head.

“Obento.” Said she said again.

“Sweet!” Ruk’s eyes lit up like a – forgive the pun – Christmas tree. “I love obento, and yes I know what it is, I was stationed in Okinawa for a little while.” He began to eat like he hadn’t eaten all day. He seemed to like the tuna most. Which was just fine. Boomer picked off a few things here and there. Mostly salmon and crab. When Ruk had cleaned everything away Boomer reached back and grabbed the box with his gift.

“I also got you a present.”

The contented smile was wiped clean off Ruk’s face. “Why are you being so nice?”

“It’s Christmas and I’ve never really had one before. Here.” She thrust the gift at her unhappy counterpart.

“Well that makes two of us.” The box was a separately wrapped lid and bottom so when Ruk started tearing paper Boomer pointed out the obvious. Ruk made a little ‘oh’ face and pulled the lid free. It was a cowboy hat. Nothing frilly or superfluous. It was much her style and she didn’t think he’d really appreciate it anyway if it was. It was a simple brown leather cowboy hat.

“That straw one of yours has seen better days.”

“That’s nice. I’ll put it on my wall.”

Boomer furrowed her brown. “On your wall? I hope you wear it.”

“It would get destroyed. Nice things get destroyed, not because the worlds out to get me or anything. I just use workin’ hats.”

She sighed. “It is a workin’ hat.”

He shrugged. “I’ll give it a try I guess.”

Boomer just smiled. “Alright. You have a good night. Merry Christmas.”

“Yeah whatever.” Ruk sort of held the box out like he didn’t know what to do with it.

“Would you like me to take that home for you?”

He looked at her for a moment and thought about the question. “Sure I guess.”

“I’ll leave it in your room.” She took the lid, but it back on the box and took it from him. “G’night.”

She packed everything up, put the baby in the back and drove home. Christmas. Her first real Christmas. Technically it was the first Christmas for all of them. She had to remember to mail out her Christmas gifts to everyone else too. Tomorrow the post office would be open and she could take care of it then. Some of the members of the Consilium had made enough of an impact, or were just easy enough to get a laugh out of that she’d actually bought some of them presents. She hoped they all got a laugh out of their presents. Then she remembered, they were all meeting in the evening. That would be easy, she’d just give them their gifts that night. Easy enough.

Content, the drive home seemed short enough, and by the time she opened the back door Alexander was fast asleep. He didn’t stir at all as she put him into bed and then laid down for a nice relaxing nights rest.

Boomer felt it was time. She asked Ruk to keep an eye on the baby for a little while, explained that it was time for purification, and strolled calmly to the far end of the property. The property was only a quarter mile long, but four miles deep and at the far end was a small spring neatly nestled in a corner of the Hallow. It was a natural spring and freezing cold. There were a few fish and Boomer had wondered for the last year where it led, but the mouth of the spring was barely wide enough for the baby to fit into let alone a fully grown woman. It wasn’t that large a spring either. Mostly circular in shape not even five yards at it’s largest diameter. What was unusual about it was there was a low hanging tree right next to it and large sturdy branches hung down into the center of the cold water spring.

As she arrived, Boomer took a moment to limber up. The spring would be very cold, especially at this time of year and her muscles would tense and spasm if she didn’t pay careful attention to them. After warming her core she stripped down and folded her clothes neatly on the side of the large overhanging tree and lowered herself into the water. Because it was a natural spring the rocks jutted out at odd angles and there were places to sit, stand and even kneel without being submerged. She began her purification.

She spent several hours at it. She relived the last year of her life. Revisited all of her misdeeds and washed them from her soul. It took almost two hours till Boomer truly felt clean again. Once her cleansing was complete she decided to take time to meditate.

She considered the last time she’d gone through purification. It was almost exactly a year ago. She remembered cleansing herself of the thoughts and deeds of almost a decade of solitude. She remembered the attempts to snuff out the life growing within her. The great sense of fulfillment and worth was felt when she’d come to terms with the cycle of life and her place in it. To realize that she could not just take life, but create and nurture it. She remembered the power it created in her.

A soft heat tickled her nose and she opened her eyes to find herself face to face with a giant black leopard.

”Why have you called me?” The creature queried.

Boomer cocked her to the right and stared at the great beast. He hung from the low hanging branch of the tree. He stood with his paws underneath him ready to pounce, but what his posture intimated, his demeanor belied. He had no intention of attacking her... not physically at least.

When she did not answer immediately the creature asked again. ”Why have you called me?”

Boomer’s first reaction was denial. She had not called him at all, but something in her knew this wasn’t true. She may not have intended it, but she had called him. The real question was why? And of course, who was he? This time the creature did not seem to need to repeat the question. He knew it had sunk in. He knew now that she contemplated it. He would wait forever for her answer if that was as long as it took to find one. Feeling obstinate Boomer considered saying that she hadn’t called him anyway. It seemed silly, however. Counter productive. She knew she had. Why deny it? She chose another question, one that seemed worth asking.

“I do not know you.”

The great cat seemed to smile. ”I think you do.” He replied. ”You have always known me, and I have always been.”

The words seemed strange. I have always been. Boomer muddled them over in her head. You have always known me. She thought back. Thyrsus though she may be, she never worked a lot with animals, certainly none as majestic and great as a leopard. Nor had she ever really spoken to one. Communicate yes, but there were never words, only ideas, a mutual understanding between animals.

“Think not of your external trials, but those within your soul and you will know me.”

Boomer stared deep into his vibrant yellow eyes. They were not the color of canaries, but the colors created by the setting sun. They were a yellow mixed with blood.

She thought back to her experiences in life and sought the feelings that pervaded them. The times when it was not enough to be alive or even a mage, but to be all of these and more. She felt the cold stone and bone of her tower’s foundations deep within her soul and she knew this creature.

“Anath.” She whispered. “You are my namesake.”

“And you are mine child.” With this the creature slumped down, his arm falling to one side and brushing the edge of the water, his tail curling up beside him for comfort. “You called to me in the wyld. Now I am with you and within you always.”

To say that this creature was the utmost representation of the Supernal within her was not to do him justice. He was less than that, and so much more. He was the creature that stalked her through her Awakening. He was the best that she hunted. He was competitor that struggled with her in their race to the stone book. Had she failed, he soul would have been forever his, now he belong to her.

“What is it you seek?”

The words were out before she realized their meaning or truth. “Purpose.”

“Purpose I cannot give you child. You have purpose. You make your own. Where it is absent you must seek it out. I cannot bestow it unto you. It is within yourself to find, I simply guard the way.”

“Why have I not known you before now?”

This seemed to make him laugh.”You have not looked.”

“Why have you not sought me then?”

”I ask the same of you. Why have you sought me now?”

Boomer didn’t know. The creature just sat there. Waiting, as he had before, as thought forever were not that long, if that’s what it took.

“I seek...” She wondered if there was any other way to say it. “I seek... enlightenment.”

”Go on.”

“I seek the strength to protect my child. I seek guidance to keep me on the path to the Supernal. I seek the fortitude to endure the trials I know lay ahead. I seek the wisdom...” She struggled for the words. “The wisdom to do with this gift was is right.”

”None of this I can grant you, for I am you. What you do not posses, I do not. What you do not know, I do not.”

“Then why have I called you?”

The cat looked like he’d just eaten the canary. ”You have all that you seek within you. You simply needed to face it. To face yourself. Now you know why you have called me. I can return to guarding my path.”

“We will meet again old friend.”

”If you wish it. If you endure. Then yes we shall. I will always be here if you have need of me. Simply look inside yourself and I will be there.”

Boomer felt the warm presence on cheeks grow stronger. She closed her eyes and let that warmth fill her. When she opened them again the beast was gone. Returned to its rightful place. She took a deep breath and stood. She felt the magic of the Supernal rush though her and the Hallow responded in kind. The night was a glow with the court of wyld. They stood around the pool watching attentively. She understood that they had witnessed the whole thing.

She climbed carefully out of the spring, dried off and gathered her things. As she approached the house Ruktis stood beyond the sliding glass door, a keen eye to the woman approaching. She opened the door and looked him in the eye.

No words passed between them. None were necessary. They both knew what had just happened out there. They both knew that Boomer’s connection to the Supernal was stronger now then when she first left he house. Ruk gave a small nod and stepped aside. She closed the door behind her and proceeded to the baby’s room where he had long since lay sleeping. He would wake in few hours and she would go about her life, no different really than the day before. Just a little closer to who and what she really was.

She was a Thyrsus. An Adamntine Arrow. A mage. A mother.

OOC:
Boomer is now Gnosis 5. Yay!

Boomer knew somewhere in her that she was dreaming. The ever permiating alertness that pounded in her brain was absent. That was how she knew. Things were foggy around the edges, but just like dreams, that which you know is fleeting. Holding onto certainty is like holding onto wind, and as she thought it a cold wind tore her attention from her thoughts and she found herself staring up at a baren sky. An expansive and bleak thing it was. Pale and grey with black, thundering storm clouds in the distance.

She stood on an expanse of land that was like desert. Cracked. Empty. The tiniest weeds grew up from the ground, but even those were dying. It was as though the caked red earth in this place couldn't sustain them. She stared off at the bleak expanse of nothingness that surrounded her and turned her back to the rain clouds.

Down at her feet she found a solitary flower. It sat, like the only becon of life in this place of emptiness, desolation and death. She reached down to the earth, wrapped her hand around it's stem and pulled until the roots gave in. As she held it in her hand she suddenly knew. She found what was missing and with a surety of soul she ran far and fast from the storm at her back. She ran and ran until her lungs burned.

"This is wrong." She thought.

Yet she traveled further each step. She knew she'd reached that point. The point where she could no longer turn back. The point at which the past was gone and prior deeds could not be undone. As she slowed she felt the cold rain of the coming storm. Dropplets pelted her. Finall she stopped and turned and there was a wall of water.

She was drowning in the ocean. Drowning in a churning stormy sea. She felt the flower petals in her hand and knew that whatever she did she needed to hold onto them for dear life. Barely treading water she prayed for the shore. She prayed for direction. She longed to lay her head down. She prayed for his voice to call to her. All he had to do was shout and she'd know the way.

She felt the flower petals slip from her hand and fall to the dry earth bellow her. They were brown and dried up. It was too late. They were dead. Boomer was on her hands and knees and stared down at the petals below. Furiously she began to dig. Pushing her fingers into the earth, she returned the flower to the dirt. She covered them gently and stood. They could live again now. Ahead of her she saw the storm clouds aproach. She turned and walked away.

And she knew that not a day would go by that the burning would not cease. She called up the fire that raged within her. She felt the familiar flame engulf her. Her nimbus. She knew she'd reached that point. The point where she could no longer turn back. The point at which the past was gone and prior deeds could not be undone. As she slowed she felt the cold rain of the coming storm. Dropplets pelted her. Finall she stopped and turned and there was a wall of water.

She was drowning in the ocean. Drowning in a churning stormy sea. Her fire had been washed away in the storm. Barely treading water she prayed for the shore. She prayed for direction. She longed to lay her head down. She prayed for his voice to call to her. All he had to do was shout and she'd know the way.

"Anath ." He called.

Suddenly, she knew the way.

"Anath." He called again, this time louder. He was shouting to her in the storm.

She swam to the shore. Her body ached and her muscles burned but she swam until she lay her head inside the waiting arms of the shore. She laughed. She laughed until she cried. There he was. Staring down at her fromt he shoreline was her savior. She believed in angels. Not the kind with wing. No, not the kind with halos. The kind that came from the supernal. Oracles with familar faces. The kind you know. The kind that will ascend some day. The kind that bring you home, when home becomes a strange place.

She followed his voice and all he had to do was shout it out...

"BOOMER!" Ruk yelled, and suddenly the dream was gone.

Ruk was holding Boomer by each shoulder as though he'd been shaking her.

"All because of you." She whispered.

He dropped her back onto the bed. "What the hell are you going on about?"

She looked up at him and the last image of her dream burned in her head. She remembered seeing a man that looked kind of like Ruk and kind of like her son standing in the distance. She begged her mind to remeber more of the dream but it was gone. She was torn from it so violently that it was gone. Only that image and the haunting feeling that permiated it remained.

"I was dreaming." She shook away the disorientation. "I was dreaming, but I can't remember it."

"I don't know what the hell you thought you were doing but I walked in the front door and I could feel the magic coming off you. By the time I got here your nimbus was lighting the room up like a bonfire." He shook his head and even he seemed a little rattled. "I yelled and shook your ass for a solid minute and you didn't come to until just now. Do you have any idea what you've just done?"

Boomer shook her head.

Ruktis turned to leave.

"Thank you."

He paused at the door. "For what?"

"I don't know. Thank you for saving me."

Ruktis did not respond, he just left.

OOC NOTE:
This post is inspired by a song I listen to for Boomer. More posts in the "Journeys into Dreaming" series will likely follow that are similarly inspired by songs. Here are the lyrics:

The Good Left Undone
by: Rise Against

In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
Bending there in my direction,
I wrapped a hand around its stem,
I pulled until the roots gave in,
Finding there what I’d been missing,

But I know…
So I tell myself, I tell myself it’s wrong.
There’s a point we pass from which we can’t return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm.

All because of you,
I haven’t slept in so long.
When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,
Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,
I’ll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out.

Inside my hands these petals browned,
Dried up, fallen to the ground
But it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
Returned this flower to the dirt,
So it could live. I walked away now.

But I know…
Not a day goes by that I don’t feel this burn.
There’s a point we pass from which we can’t return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm.

All because of you,
I haven’t slept in so long,
When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,
Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,
I’ll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out.

All because of you…
All because of you…

All because of you,
I haven’t slept in so long.
When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,
Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,
Inside these arms of yours.

All because of you,
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
No, not the kind with halos,
The kind that bring you home,
When home becomes a strange place.
I’ll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out.

Courage eluded her.

A decade and a half as an Adamantine Arrow and courage eluded Boomer.

It was simple. All she had to do was tell him what she wanted. It wasn't like she was professing her undying love for him. That she did not posses. It was a matter of professing her undying love for her son. How hard could that really be? She'd gone over it a thousand times in her head. She knew what she wanted to say. She knew how she wanted to say it. No games. No pretenses. She just had to say it.

That seemed to be the hardest part.

She could walk into a city of strangers and tell them she thought they needed to clean up their city, but she couldn't walk into her own home and ask a man to search his soul. Well, put that way, maybe it wasn't so easy.

Boomer looked into the crib at her sleeping son. After the wards were put on the house she had moved his crib and all of his things out of her room and into one of the empty bedrooms in the house. They had four after all and they'd only been using two. He slept so soundly. He deserved everything she had to give, and she realized after Ruktis came back that she was willing to give the child that. Everything. What she also realized was that she wasn't sure Ruktis would. That was the crux of it all.

She just had to ask him.

In her mind, Arrow didn't sigh forlornly. She did it anyway. Then she got angry at herself and marched into the living room.

She'd do it tonight!

Come hell or high water she'd do it tonight! She'd say the things that had been weighing on her mind since their first Sunday Movie Night! She thought it over in her head.

"Ruk, I need to talk to you about Alexander. I'm worried about something and I need you to hear me out because this may take a little time to really explain. See, here's the thing. I love him to death. I love him more than life itself right now. I would do anything for that boy. Anything. He's my whole world. I would give everything up for him. I remember growing up in a shitty orphanage. I remember being alone. I remember losing everyone I'd ever cared about when my cabal mates died. I don't want any of that for him. Some of it I'm may not be able to help."

She paused to think about those last words. She laid down on the couch. No. They were wrong.

"Some of it I know I can't help. It may happen anyway and there's nothing I can do to stop it. But for now I just want to give him every opportunity that neither of us had. I love him so deeply and so tremendously. I want to give him as good an upbringing as I can. Now I know that you have your reservations about he and I. I know why too."

She adjusted her head. That was more comfortable. Where was she?

"I know you have your reservations. I know why too. You don't need to explain any more to me and I understand it. So I've thought long and hard about this and I need to ask you this. I'm not really looking for an answer right now, or maybe at all. I just need to ask the question. I just need you to take the time to think about it. Mull it over in your head. You don't even need to have an answer right away. Just think about it..."

Boomer's eyes got heavy. It was late. After 2 am. She struggled to remember the last thing she was thinking. Where was she in this constantly revisited conversation? What was the next thing she said? She'd remember soon. In a minute it would come back. In a minute...

She fell asleep on the sofa.

Hours later Ruktis came home. His 24 hours at home before going back and working long shifts at the hospital. He was Boomer on the sofa and shook his head disapprovingly. Before he went to sleep he stopped in front of his son's door. He did not go in. Did not even show the barest of interest or affection. The boy was in his bed. The bar on the crib was up. His vital signs were normal. He'd be damned if the boy or two mages died of SIDS in the middle of the night. Finding the baby satisfactorily safe and asleep, Ruk went to bed.

Boomer woke the next morning to Ruktis standing over her.

"Wake the hell up already." He said. Not his usual spitting tone.

Her eyes lifted lazily. "Wha?"

"The boy's crying his eyes out." He sniffed the air. "I think he needs a diaper change." With that he picked himself up and wandered into the kitchen.

She shook the sleep from her eyes and looked at the man she was supposed to confront. She thought about saying everything then and there, but the wailing got louder. He did need a diaper change.

"Shit." She sighed.

"That's what I said." Ruk replied, then took a swig out of the milk jug.

The last 24 hours had been really hard on Boomer. Dennis was back. Ruktis. She had to call him Ruktis, it would make it easier. What was funny was she remembered that particular shadow name, and a few others that they both used while they were on the road together.

A lot of things had gone through her mind as she made the drive south from Orlando to Kenansville. She would stop briefly at Bonny & Bliss to pick up Alexander, and after that more silence on the drive home. A lot of things came together in her mind on the way. She began to rifle through the thoughts that had magically changed in her mind. Memories that had become different now that that Ruktis had re-emerged.

She realized that she had never truly believed that End was the only piece of the puzzle there. End was not the only personality the soul had to offer. Something in her knew that no matter how well she got to know End of Days, that it would be incomplete. Something was off. She knew too that she had lied to Solomon that night. Not directly, perhaps more to herself than Sol. Ruktis never had any intention of re-incorporating himself into End. If End could be made permanent, Ruktis would have gladly done so. Thankfully, Brigade had followed Ruk away from the bar and kept on him, or he would have emerged as End again.

Sol may be a high and mighty asshole sometimes, but in this case Boomer agreed: she was glad to have Ruktis back. She was getting a little annoyed with trying to be End's keeper. At least now she didn’t have to answer for the man.

She also wondered that night as she drove, what would become of her hopes to create a family. It had come as a huge shock to the system that End had intended to propose that night. She would have said ‘no.’ Of that much she was certain. She’d spent the last nine months trying very hard to simply cultivate a friendship. As a result she’d gone out of her way to put any other thoughts out of her head. Even simple carnal need had been put aside. More than once she’d found herlsef looking at him as lust object, and worked hard not to.

He had become more reserved and solitary than she remembered him. Thinking back, that’s because he had constructed a personality to cover the old one, but it was an uphill battle just to get End to laugh. Sunday movie nights had gone a long way to making that better, but even those did little for their friendship when he spent the remaining 144 hours of the week at the hospital. She knew that she would have to continue to reinforce the dinner and a movie nights to keep the three of them together over the next several months.

Boomer knew that Ruktis, possibly more than End would see Alexander less as an obligation and more as responsibility. Less as a strange little creature that cried when he shat himself and more as a helpless child that needed protecting and care. She had high hopes that he would come to love the boy and truly treat him as a son. Very high hopes. This idea brought into sharp relief the monkey wrench that Ruktis would be to her initial plans of creating a functional family unit.

It have never been her intention to marry End, but Boomer had wanted to create a family for her son. She’d wanted to cultivate a mutual understanding that would allow the boy to grow up with some semblance of a mother and father. She had wanted to bridge the distance between herself and the father of her child and create if nothing else a strong friendship that would translate to working together to raise their son. Ruktis would prove less approachable and more unwilling to lend or breed caring for the simple fact that it brought those around him pain. If anyone cared for Ruktis, it seemed to him to lead them to a terrible fate.

Just to hear him say that he refused to allow anyone to care for him had hurt Boomer. It was difficult for both very selfish and very selfless reasons. Even after the life she’d lived and the complete absence of love in her life, Alexander had changed her. He made her want to fight for love and for what she loved. Right now the only thing in the world she truly loved, was her son and somewhere in her she knew that she may find it in her heart to love his father as well.

Just the idea felt right to her.

Something told her that loving Ruktis would not kill her, and if it did, then all would be ok as a result. It was a knowledge she’d only even felt as strongly once before in her life. When she wondered how it was that she’d conceived. After doing everything in her power not to be able to bear a child, she still did. After through long hours of meditation and self-loathing she came to realize that it was simply right. She knew more surely than she had known anything in her life that this child's conception was the right thing. She chalked it up to Fate. Where Ruktis was concerned, Fate was in charge. That being the case, she would leave this one up to Fate too. She was done fighting herself for his sake. Fuck him. She would feel whatever the hell she wanted to, and he could deal with it.

It was right.

After arriving home and tucking the baby into bed, she did something she hadn’t done in almost a decade. She walked to the black lacquer box she’d acquired from the cabal’s vaults and pulled out on of the heirlooms of the Prima: a wooden rosary. She took it into the near full moonlight and with rosary in one had and a cigarette in the other she prayed. Not the traditional Our Father’s and Hail Mary’s that she prayed as a child in the orphanage, but a plea for guidance to the only things that even came close to gods in her book. It was something she’d learned in the Lance, if you’re gonna pray, pray to the Supernal. They produce results.

The next morning she was on autopilot. She spent most of the day cooking, cleaning, and meditating. Occasionally she played with the baby. Once, she cried for no reason at all. She couldn’t figure out why and she couldn’t seem to stop. She cried for almost an hour. Later in the day she found the baby sitting in front of Ruktis’ bedroom door just trying to get in. When she picked him up, he cried. When she put him back down, he stood up and tried to get the door open. When she opened it for him, he simply walked inside and sat down seemingly contented. It was an odd thing for the child to do as he’d never really been in the room before. It was like End’s absence was magnified.

A good deal of the day was spent in thought. What would she do next? How would she go about warding the house? Who would place protection spells on the baby? Would any of it even be necessary? Would Ruktis ever come back and live with them?

Intellectually, she knew Ruktis said he wouldn’t leave the area, but a nagging fear in her said she’d arrange dinner and a movie, and he wouldn’t show. She sent him a text message that read:

“Dinner and a movie at B&B. Bringing son. Same time. See ya tomorrow.”

He never responded.

The uncertainty was the hardest part. End was a person that could be read and understood. Ruktis was a wild card. He could leave at any moment. He most certainly would do everything in his power to push her away. Ruktis would be harder to keep around. For the first time since she got to Orlando she was truly scared. Scared for Ruktis. Scared that he would never let anyone in. Scared that more than 30 years of pain had made him dead enough inside to keep the world out forever.

Yet...

Something in her knew to push on. She held tightly to that certainty. Kept it close to her soul.

Boomer knew that the journey ahead would prove to be the hardest she ever embarked on. She had to teach someone how to be loved. All things considered, she was no expert. It would test her too. Through it all that same feeling resounded in her.

This is right.
This is what needs to be done.
All will be well in the End.

Boomer was pissed.

She’d been in the kitchen minding her own damn business. She was cooking dinner for her and End. In an odd twist End had taken the week off. Earlier in the week he’d helped Noel work on creating the spirits to catch that Cabal. Then he came home and locked himself in his room for the night. Boomer imagined he’d been sleeping it off, but when she woke up this morning he was up bright and early casting in the back yard. He was really focusing. She knew he could ritually cast in a matter minutes, so the time that he was dedicating to this made it something big. She figured he’d probably need to regenerate so she decided to make a hearty meal with fruits and veggies and steak for dinner.

It had mostly been business as usual. Earlier in the day she’d gotten an uneasy sensation when she passed by the sliding glass door, but she’d brushed it off. Sometimes when Sasquatch was being mischievous he made that feeling creep out around the house. The problem came clear into view the second time she walked out the back door to have a smoke. The wolves were frantic. They were standing all around End at attention. A faint growling was emanating from some of the closer ones and they knew her well. She was an accepted member of the court of wild. Perhaps a lesser entity, but still accepted... and they were growling at her.

She tried to sense End with Life. She should have known he couldn’t. She could, however, feel life all around him and there was something not right. She stopped and looked with her eyes. He was sunken down. He looked thinner and he seemed to be slumped over. She turned around and walked straight into her room. From there she grabbed her imbued staff and her Mana beads and stormed right back out. The wolves began to growl fiercely. She growled back.

“He’s killing himself.” She told their leader. One look from him and the others silenced.

She sat down in front of End. “End.” She touched his shoulder and flesh seemed to sink beneath her touch. He was scourging his body for Mana. She swore under breath. “End.” She took a bead and held it to his chest. “End stop it!”

End opened his eyes and looked at her. He seemed to barely be there at all. There were deep bags under his eye. “What’s up?”

“What the fuck are you doing End?”

“The hierarch told me to do it.”

“The hierarch told you to magically flog yourself?”

“I’m looking for Walkabout. He seems to have gone missing.”

Boomer shook her head. “I doubt severely that she would want you to kill yourself or make yourself useless for a week to perform one fucking spell. You have to stop this End. You don’t have the energy to continue right now.”

“I’ll be fine, I’ll heal.”

“You’ll stop! That’s an order from your direct superior.”

“I got my orders from the hierarch.”

“Fine, I’ll call that psychopath and she’ll tell you herself to stop.” Boomer dropped the last of her Tass into Ends lap. “In the meantime use this!” She stormed back into the house and got on her cell phone. As the number started to dial Boomer could see out of the corner of her eye as End toppled over onto the ground. Phone forgotten Boomer rushed back out.

End had passed out.

Boomer struggled to make out her reflection in the foggy mirror. Her hair was dripping scalding water down her back. The air was saturated with steam and heat. She hit the switch that turned on the fan and pulled a towel around her long dreadlocks. She took another towel and loosely wrapped it around her body. A final hand towel went to the mirror to clear the fog. She stared into her own slate grey eyes and sighed.

She’d slept on it. She’d thought about it. She’d asked her son about it. She’d slept on it again. There were two things that bothered her about her conversation with Sol. The first was that Sol was right. Change could not be made from the outside, well, it could. The problem was she had come to realize the Lex itself was not what she took the most umbrage with; it was the interpretation and use of the Lex that bugged her out. Her opinion on which would mean jack and shit to most of the city’s mages until she signed on the dotted line. Months of biting back biting words and she realized it was futile.

Oh well. There was nothing to it, she’d just have to sign the Lex, but not before she talked to Brigade. Brigade got to sweat for his inability to control his tongue. She’d test his mettle as an honorable man before too long.

The second thing that bothered her had been a concept that took longer to wrap her head around. It had started with little things, but came to head the other night while out and about in Orlando. Even then it took something End had said about the cigars he’d smoked that made Boomer realize the problem. Solomon had promised to give End a chance to be someone different and was failing miserably at the task. Sol often harped about the person End “has always been” but truth be told he can’t know End because he’s never met End.

Problems and troubles. Issue with the Consillium that she’d tried so hard to avoid. The problem was, she felt like she owed them something. Like they were a cute little kindergarten Consillium with some older and wiser fifth graders trying to keep the little ones from putting gum in each other’s hair. There are personality conflicts, temper tantrums, and arbitrary rules calls that the most tried kindergarten teacher might retire over. Yet she wanted to help. She wanted to make things better for them.

She sighed and pulled open the bathroom door. Steam followed her out into the hallway. The sound of giggling flowed out from the living room and panic overtook her. She’d left the baby asleep on the bed in her bedroom with the baby monitor. She ran to the living room barely aware of the falling towel which she held loosely in place with one hand. In a matter of seconds she willed her eyes to see into Twilight and view the spirits she knew were all around her. Rounding the corner of the hallway the mother wolf that always followed their sons was sitting at the end of the hall watching placidly.

Finally the boy came into view. He stood solitary in the middle of the room, far from any furniture or foreign object that might prop him up. Next to him was the pup. They both stood on two feet. The pup fell forward and trotted to his mother. The boy’s head turned and his legs waivered but he stood upright. Boomer moved around the wolves and towards her son. The boy took two tentative steps in the wrong direction and tried to turn his body, but the attempt at coordination was more that he could accommodate. He fell onto his butt with a squish. Boomer shook her head and he crawled over to her.

“Silly boy.” She squatted down next to him, her head towel having slipped back almost entirely. She pulled it off and draped it around her son. “You need a shower and a diaper changed stinky butt.” The child’s eyes just sparkled up at his mother. The smile on his face was like sunshine. She picked him up. “I knew there was a reason I called you Bedlam. Congratulations sweetie, you can walk now.”

They walked back towards the bathroom.

It had been two months since End started working again. He didn’t have to and they both knew it, but he had caught up on all the sleep he was going to get and he was starting to get bored. Or at least, that was the only reason Serendipity (who now went more commonly by Boomer than anything else) could see for why he did it. They barely saw each other anymore, except on Sundays. He never worked on Sundays and they had dinner, watched and movie and drank. Then they both went to bed.

The only other days that End was not working were on nights when he preformed his Olbations. Other than that, he was never around. Serenity spent her days improving with her blades and her styles. She didn’t really care about shooting, there were too many shooters in this world. It was a death without honor to her. A death without respect. It was too easy to shoot a man. Much harder to rip him apart with your bear hands. Though maybe that was just the Thyrsus in her. Regardless, she never picked up a gun.

She also spent a lot of time with the baby. He had just seen the end of his fourth month of life and he was huge. Bedlam weighed approximately as much as a healthy twelve month old baby and had better motor skills than most of them. At four months he was starting to move around independently in his crib. Thankfully, he hadn’t yet started teething, though Boomer had a sinking fear that would be next. Breast feeding would have to end soon. And speaking of Ends, someone was getting a talking too about the rapid growth of their children.

Beyond the baby and her training, Boomer was finding less and less to do with each passing day. She once found herself going to Bonny and Bliss three afternoons in a row just to get out of the house. Honestly, there was not a damn thing to do anymore. All her loose ends were tied. All her enemies were dead. Her son was born, safe and healthy. Her body was now healed and she was at full strength again. The skeletons in her closet had all vacated.

Boomer was fucking bored.

She wondered if it might not be prudent to start spending more time with the mages of Orlando. To learn about their ways and their Lex. End spent a bit more time around them. Said they were alright. Their laws were a little retarded and their leader was a bit dim, but they were also a backwater Consilium in the middle of podunkville-fuckall-nowhere. Okay, maybe Orlando isn’t entirely nowhere... but it’s pretty fucking close.

Then again she lives in Holopaw.

Oh well. Sometimes life is strange. And then you die. But not before the rest of us do.

It was after true dark when Serendipity heard the sliding glass doors open. She wandered to the back of the house to see what might be going on. The full moon (or lack there of) was out and in this quiet corner of nowhereville the darkness was complete. The only light was the reflection off of the rain. It was hard to believe the sun had been out just a short while ago. The man known to some as End of Days walked slowly, calmly, deliberately away from the house. She wondered if he was going to pull his little running trick again. She would not stay out all night to watch that. Though it would be funny for a little while.

He stopped a few feet out and pulled off his shoes. Obviously he was not going to run. He walked a little ways further and began unbuttoning his shirt. The rain made it cling to his body so that taking it off gave the illusion that he was peeling it from his body like a second skin. It fell to the ground and stayed unmoving in the damp night air. End continued to walk, in blue jeans, and a white t-shirt with two large rips in the back. It was soaked through and she could see the muscles in his back rippling with each stride. Her eyes wandered lower. Pleasant, but rather unwelcome thoughts crept into the back of Serendipity’s mind. She could not afford to look at him with need in her eyes... and other places. She fought with herself for a moment to control the sudden urges that had welled up in her. She shut herself off from those physiological tendencies and continued to watch.

He strode on, finally coming to a stop several yards out and turned. She strained her eyes in the darkness to see him. He was not looking back at the house, simply facing it. Then, suddenly, light exploded across her vision. She was seeing the Court of Wild. In her twenty years of Waking life she had just learned to see spirits and suddenly they were everywhere. An overwhelming host of the primal wild. She had to focus to see End again. She concentrated and was able to make him out through the menagerie.

End slowly lifted his left arm and extended it away from his body, from behind him something followed the motion. Serendipity altered her own sight. She realized with a start that all his bones had hollowed out. There were feathered growths coming out of his back. His right arm was now raised to shoulder level with the other and the muscles in his back were bulking up. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t.

She never consciously chose to allow her vision to once more pierce the gauntlet, but Serendipity’s eyes saw the court again. Hundreds of spirits watched End fixedly. In the blink of an eye all the birds took flight and End raised his wings high above his head and with a strong push brought them down and sent himself soaring into the air. Dumbfounded she ran out the sliding glass door and onto the perfectly manicured grass. She craned her head to watch as he slowly vanished into the air.

With a smile she turned to walk back toward the house and realized that she was surrounded. The eyes that had once been on End were now on her. She put her hands up and laughed. “Sorry, I can’t do that trick.” She looked back and forth to the different creatures that surrounded her. None of them moved. There were all manner of beast here, but none of them showed any sign of leaving or growing weary of her gaze. “You’re all as fucking stoic as he is.” A large wolf off her right snorted. She wondered something. “Can you understand me?” The wolf nodded his ascent. She reached her hand out but the space he occupied created no tactile sensation. They were truly on the other side and she was simply seeing them. They were not on this side of existence though she knew in no uncertain terms that some of them were capable of making the shift.

Serendipity spent hours there that night waiting for End to return and examining the spirit court. She enjoyed being out in the rain. Many creatures wandered off in different directions. A few came over to examine her, though she had her suspicions that many already knew her. She tried to communicate with them but after that first attempt at communication none of the others were successful. There was a flapping of wings overhead. Serendipity looked up just as End was landing. She waited patiently while his body readjusted itself and when his bones began to regain their natural density she stood and approached him.

“Welcome home Thunderbird. I’ve been hanging out with your friends.”

End simply cocked his head to one side.
Serendipity waited for there to be more. Some words of wisdom. Nothing came. They stared at each other in silence for several moments. That one wolf she’d been able to speak to briefly had sat itself just off to her left next to End. She shook her head. “Fucking stoic.” The wolf snorted again and the two mages turned to the ephemeral beast. “You’ve understood me this whole time?” She asked irritably. The creature nodded again and Serendipity wondered how you kill a spirit. “When I find out how to get my hands on you, I will. Oh, I will!”

She stormed off back towards the house in a righteous fury. She’d been calling all the animals dumb ass names the whole time and that fucking dog had understood every word. End’s wild laughter followed her into the night. She wished the rain would drown it out. Like so many things, she wished in vain.

Dreams have a funny way of showing us what’s in the deepest parts of our minds and hearts. A feeling had been gnawing at the back of Serendipity’s mind. A feeling that she’d been pushing aside. Dreams would not allow her to push them aside any longer.

She traveled back... it was three years ago. They were in a shitty dive called – of all things – the Drunken Cowboy. It was somewhere in New Mexico. Real far south east. Next to Texas. They were traveling as Jacob Talic and Sandra Morris. It was a night to drink, and drink they did. Sure they were both, at a minimum, an Adept of Life, but sometimes you’ve got to let the poison do its work. Then again, these two Thyrsus firmly believed in enjoying life.

After hours of cheap liquor, cigarettes and the stink of that bar it was time to wander back to the motel room. They’d be moving on soon, but ‘Sandra’ wasn’t thinking about that tonight. She wasn’t nearly as drunk as she claimed to be and though the man she knew as Jacob Talic (or End) had saved her ass from a very long a painful recovery, he was still far too trusting in her. She kind of liked it, which made what she was about to do so much easier.

She’d been contacted by a client who was interested in more information on Mr. Talic. Her source said the Guardians were calling in a favor and they needed to follow up on an altercation somewhere in Texas. She didn’t usually ask for the background, but it was a safety issue that had brought it up. So far he seemed harmless enough. Then again, it’s always the quiet ones.

Something in Serendipity fought the dream then. She realized the inconsistency. At the time, she hadn’t known it was the Guardians. She found that out later. She didn’t know it had been in Texas. She’d gotten that from Jacob later on, too. And it was never the Guardians that wanted him. It was Banishers. Banishers she’d killed.

She had sudden flashes of their corpses. The blood on her hands. The exhaustion she felt as she searched the house. The acrid smell of hair burning. She woke in a cold sweat. Her eyes shot over to the baby. He was fine. Sleeping soundly. She walked over to his crib and picked him up.

On nights that she wasn’t feeling terribly sane it helped to have her son in bed with her. She built him a small fortress of pillows and leaned against one of them stroking his tiny arm. He never stirred. She thanked whoever would listen for her gift. She wasn’t much for Sleeper faiths, but if there was a God she would shake his hand. Her baby made her happy. She had never loved anyone with all her heart before. He was special though. Her thoughts dragged her back down into sleep. Little did she know, her dreams weren’t done with her yet.

She was back in New Mexico. In a feigned drunken stupor Sandra fumbled into the motel room that she and Jacob shared. Two double beds stood against the wall. There was also a small night stand between them with a bible and a pistol in the only drawer. The alarm clock said it was after four in the morning. Jacob wandered to the bathroom and Sandra found her bottle of Grey Goose. She’d replaced it’s original contents with 200 proof moonshine in it. She pulled off her boots, her jean shorts and her over shirt leaving her in nothing but a thin white tank top and her underwear. She lay down enticingly on Jacob’s bed and waited. The toilet flushed and she put up life sight. As he wandered out she realized his blood alcohol level wasn’t nearly as high as it needed to be. She reached her arm up and handed him the bottle.

“Drink!” She commanded.

He took the bottle and obliged. As she’d hoped he couldn’t tell anymore that it wasn’t Grey Goose. Hopefully he’d drink it like it was. He took a deep and swig handed the bottle back seconds before landing on the bed next to her. With effort he was able to pull his boots off and pull his feet on the bed behind him.

They drank for some time longer. It was nearly five before Sandra was ready to make her move. They’d already killed the majority of the bottle, or at least Jacob had, and wrestled around the bed. Jacob tossed his feet off the end of the bed.

“Need to piss.” He slurred and planted his feet on the floor. He managed to stay upright for seven full uninterrupted seconds before landing flat on his face. “I was wrong. I don’t need to piss. I need to lie on the carpet.” He corrected.

Sandra shambled over to him. This was her chance. She pulled him upright and tried to place him on the bed. She had his back to the side of the bed and was trying to get him to lie down on it correctly when she swept her foot out and they both tumbled onto the bed in a heap. She lay on top of him, their legs intertwined. She stared into his unfocusing eyes for a heartbeat and leaned in.

A chaste kiss passed between them and Sandra waited for him to react. To say no. To pull away. He did not. She leaned in a second time and he rose to meet her mouth. The kiss grew as they explored each other. They romped around the bed, but End would not initiate anything else.

Sandra took matters into her own hands. She started with his shirt and peeled it away from his body. She reached for his belt and wondered if he would pause. If he’d make her stop. He didn’t. She took his pants from him too and they continued their desperate affair as though the person in front of them were last person on earth they’d be allowed to touch.

The night gave way to morning. The dark gave way to light. That was the cycle. That was the way of life. Jacob had fallen asleep in her arms. She snuck out of the bed and took all this clothing into the bathroom. She dumped them on the floor, bathed quickly, and soaked his clothes in cold water and left them in the tub. Then changed and went to sleep. She’d make the call later. When Jacob finally awoke he seemed not to remember anything.

When asked why he was in nothing the next morning Sandra made a joke about him almost vomiting on himself. She’d chucked him in the shower and run the water on him for a while until he stopped dry heaving. His clothes were still in the tub. They were on the road again in a few short hours and when they pulled over at the first rest stop Sandra wandered off to make the call.

She dialed a number she knew by heart and waited for the machine to pick up. “Zane, I’ve got sympathetic connection. I’m still working on the information you need, but now he can’t disappear for a while. You know how to contact me if you need to. I’ll call you again in a couple of weeks.” She hung up. She never did make that second call. She never called that number back again. She would eventually change her mind. A short while later she also learned that she was pregnant and that the father was not such a bad person. It was the first time in seven years she’d checked out of a job for personal reasons.

She’d just turned back to the car when the phone behind her started ringing. She looked back at it. This wasn’t right. The phone had never rung. She had walked away and never looked back. The ringing was persistent. She picked up the phone but it continued to ring.

Serendipity stirred. He eyes fluttered open. Her cell phone was sitting on the bed next to her. She picked it up. It was a wrong number. She got a lot of those with her 800 number. Her head fell back on her pillow. It was morning out. Seven thirty. The baby probably wouldn’t wake for a while longer.

She thought about her dreams. About the night she’d conceived her baby. She thought about the lovemaking. Relived it again in vivid detail. Why now? Why had he resurfaced? What did he really know about the baby or her for that matter? Could she tell him? She didn’t know. What was bugging her the most was seeing his face every day. Living in the same house like college roommates. Two strangers put in the same place and trying to make the best of it. She realized something else. Something she hadn’t been able to put her finger on until just then. He had become so cold. No, not cold, detached from everyone and everything. Maybe she’d have to take matters into her own hands again. God knew she wasn’t ready. All she knew for certain was at that moment she felt very frustrated and the best thing for frustration was to beat the hell out of something. She wondered if End was awake. She wanted to kick the shit out of him.

Because the characters live together, they interact. This means that occasionally our LJ posts will interact as well. I will probably post date several as they require the other players okay before I post them up. Here's the last one.

Please check out the post Some people find their own relaxation...

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Enjoy!

”Breathe.” She thought. ”Deep breaths. In. Out.”

Serendipity centered herself found her calm. She’d spent twenty minutes just working on her concentration because every time the baby laughed she found herself turning and smiling. She dared not move further away. She knew he was always protected but she still wasn’t comfortable with letting the baby out of her sight for very long.

After a few minutes of breathing exercises she began stretching. It had been a while since she’d used anything but a gun and guns weren’t even her specialty. She needed to get herself back into shape, especially after giving birth. She also needed to start wielding her weapons again. She was getting sloppy. She’d already sent for them. They were being kept in a safety deposit box in a bank in Chicago. She wanted them back now. She wanted to hold her weapons of power again.

Once stretched and limber she opened up her awareness. Made a catalogue of every living being in the area. Sometimes to wards and defenses on the house and the baby were distracting as they cast an excess magical glow to all sights, but she had to remember how to tune out those distractions. She had to relearn so much of what she already knew. Thankfully, once you learn the magic itself, you never un-learn it.

She began with simple physical exercise. There was a tree a few yards away. She jogged back and forth between it and the house doing sprints every few laps and then slowing back down to a jog. ”I really have to get a carrier for the baby.” She laughed. ”Then I could take him with me around the property line. I wouldn’t be running in circles.” She did about a hundred laps each way. About twenty sprints and stopped for some water.

The baby laughed again and was looking straight up in the sky. There was a large bird of prey circling around. A falcon. She smiled too. He was a beautiful and majestic creature. It was good to be surrounded by nature. It helped heal a deep and very essential part of who she was. Something about being a Thyrsus made the very world around her and the vibrance of it’s living essence cause a great emptiness in her soul fill slowly. She was getting better in so many ways.

She pulled her ankle and arm weights on and limbered up for a few more minutes then began to practice some of her forms. She knew a few different types of martial arts. Judo was mostly throws and shifting of body weight. Tai Kwon Do was good to start. She ran through each level of her forms twice before proceeding to the next one. When finished she moved right into the forms for Jujitsu. Again she ran through each one twice and then proceeded to another art. She ran thru Wu Shu. Each form getting successively more fluid than the last.

As she reached the end of her last form she decided to end with something a little more lively. She was glad she brought the stereo. As though the very thought had forced the device to react the stereo flared to life, the volume cranked high and track one of the CD she’d put in began to play. Samba Novo – a beat heavy samba – began blasting. It was time for her favorite martial art. The one her father had once told her she could never master... Capoera.

She launched into a free form tumble and began a series of kicks and tumbles to the beat of the music. Capoera was the freest and easiest of arts to improvise. There was something raw and intense about each movement. Every bit of her energy went into flips, dives, kicks, splits and jumps. A playful dance with deadly consequence consumed her and she lost herself in it. The fears and anxieties of the last several weeks seemed to vanish as she lost herself in the moment.

She began to reacclimate. She concentrated hard on everything going on around her. She internalized the music and made it background noise. She focused on the baby. She focused on the world around her. Every sight. Every sound. She began to take carful notice of everything at once while never loosing her footing. Never stopping her wild dance for an instant. Sweat was glistening of her body. Her heart was racing and her pores and senses were wide open to the world. She could feel the pulse of life around her and blood coursing through her veins. Once large tumble and she stopped dead. Her eyes fixed on the house.

She smiled. End was standing at the window. Her eyes met his as she slowed her breathing. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes holding it for a moment before letting it out slowly. When she opened her eyes he was gone. This brought another smile to her face. ”So fucking stoic. She thought with a laugh. She grabbed her things and her son and trotted back to the house.

Motherhood does strange things to a woman. A month ago it was optimum ballistic performance and penetrative power. Velocity was a plus but not a deal breaker. Now it was solid colors or patterns. The little cowboy boots were a deal breaker.

“Why would anyone subject a child to this?” Serendipity asked herself in a harsh whisper. A one piece jumper with cowboy boots sat in one hand, another in solid red held in the other hand. “I’ve seen blackmail photos less incriminating.”

A young couple was watching her with a wild eye. She must have looked so strange to them. Black lightweight denim a black tank and black leather jacket with her jet black hair and coal grey eyes. Serendipity caught something about a tongue piercing and with a laugh wandered off to search for baby bottles and a crib that didn’t come in a pastel. She was shit out of luck. For all it’s variety there was little in Babies’R’Us that didn’t come in pastel.

After loading up two carts full she checked out. She’d already been to Best Buy where she loaded up on computer equipment. She had stopped briefly at a mom and pop gun shop she happened to see in passing and bought a few items that she needed including a new shoulder rig as she had ended up burning the last one. Her final stop would be at the super Walmart on the way back for a few last odds and ends she hadn’t picked up anywhere else. She desperately needed some new clothing but would do serious shopping later. Walmart was sufficient for workout clothing and fruit of the loom basic mens underwear. Never underestimate the value of multipacks of solid colored t-shirts and tank tops.

When all her shopping was done she returned to the house she currently shared with End and checked on the baby. Six hours had gone by and he likely desperately needed to be fed. Much to her surprise he did not and End’s story about fabricating a wet nurse magically did not sit well with her at all. Serendipity offered to cook but End only muttered something about fresh fruits and vegetables out back and something else about twenty –two days and sleep then disappeared into his bedroom and died to the world. So, with a sigh, she brought the baby out into the kitchen, propped him up on the counter top in his newly purchased carriage/car seat and proceeded to cook herself her first good meal in more than a month.

When dinner was done and she’d savored ever moment she topped it off with a glass of red wine. She’d made a side trip to the liquor store rather unexpectedly. She would have bought a fresh case of Budweiser for End, but the beers in the fridge seemed to replenish themselves endlessly. Instead, she’d got for a few hard liquors and several choice bottles of wine.

With a full belly, bottle and glass in one hand, baby in another and smokes in her back pocket Serendipity decided it was time to go enjoy the vast acres of land that the tiny house sat on. She walked out back, a good ways, and set down the baby. She was just about to light a cigarette when something occurred to her. She looked down at her son as she poured herself another glass. Her thoughts wandered to the lighter in her back pocket. She reached back for it and crouched in front of the newborn.

“I wonder.” She said aloud, her eyes locked on her little one.

With one flick of her thumb the Zippo was alight a few feet between them. Reaching up with her other hand she let her fingers hover over the flames. Back and forth. Not burning herself, but not really tempting the fire either. She concentrated for a few moments. Thought hard about the flame. She envisioned in her hand and suddenly as though there was a wick between her fingers there was a tiny flicker of flame above them. She watch the child intently and wondered. She urged the flam to grow. She stood and coaxed it larger and larger. She held her hand wide open, palm up, and held a small pyre in her hand. She opened her mouth wide and did the opposite of blowing out a candle. She inhaled deeply and instantly a fire as large as her head was gone. Seemingly swallowed. She waited for a beat.

Nothing happened.

She shook her head and laughed, leaning down to kiss her son. “I love you Bedlam. Thank you.” Her heart felt lighter. Her fears allayed. Her son was a sleepwalker.

The retching had stopped, that was good at least. Although the smell of the public bathroom had almost made it come back with a vengeance. Serendipity washed her hands and splashed water on her face. She had to get control of herself. She’d been having nightmares for weeks and her stomach didn’t seem to want to stay in place after Bedlam was born. The problem was she couldn’t really eat well while living out of the back of a Chester wagon. She wondered how much of her depleted physical state was causing her psyche to start fraying at the edges. Then again, there was so much that just seemed to come out of left field.

After more than two years End just appeared out of the blue. His timing could not be better or worse! The people who wanted information on him were dead. She had traded his freedom for her own for two long years. Now that they were dead, he just showed up. She turned around and there he was. No more than a hundred miles outside the city where they were buried; not that they’d been that way long. Then within twenty fours hours of picking him up, Serendipity gives birth. It was hard for her to look him in the eye every day knowing what she knew. Knowing why she’d done it.

Then there were the nightmares. Twenty years of locking her feelings away in a box and somewhere in the last two weeks the lid blew wide open. She swore Pandora would jump out a corner any minute and start cackling madly. Oracles knew if she met a Mage in the next few days named Pandora, she’d just lay her on her ass. No questions ask. The bitch wouldn’t get the opportunity.

Serena looked up at herself in the bathroom mirror. Dark circles had begun to set in around her slate grey eyes. They looked sunken in, almost like bruises. She looked as well as felt thinner, weaker, more frail. Her skin was getting paler and she was starting to get muscle cramps all over her body from spending too much time cooped up in the car. She needed exercise and a few good meals. She saw in the mirror the face of the little girl in her dreams...

The Keenan boys had been tormenting her for months. Little Bekah Patterson was small for her age, underweight for her size, and frail looking. Her physicality enhanced by her inability or disinterest in socializing with the other children. At eleven kids mingle more. They develop social strata. Bekah was quickly tumbling into the black hole of preteen social outcast. It was a dangerous place to be with the Keenan boys around. Older and already red neck asshole savants, the twelve year old Keenan twins Johnny and Mikey and their year older cousin Chuck were as dangerous as children could be and very few people doubted they would be dead or incarcerated before hitting the legal voting age. The problem was the orphanage had to keep them around until they did something worth sending them back to the government for. So far, they hadn’t managed it.

That year on Halloween, only a few days from Bekah’s eleventh birthday the Keenan boys decided they would finally get what they wanted from little Bekah. They’d already spent the last four months making grabs at her ass and boobs. Pulling down her pants. Pulling up her skirt. Snapping her little training bra and on one particularly malicious occasion cutting through the straps of her tank top and bra, leaving her topless in the mess hall of the orphanage. Now they wanted more.

They found her in the back yard reading under a street lamp at the far side on the lot. There was a small metal shed a few yards away that the staff used for toys and phys ed equipment. The lock had long since been broken. The boys grabbed Bekah and tossed her into the shed with them; a hand held flood light provided ambience. The Keenans tore all her clothing from her and tied her with those thick plastic jump ropes to a metal folding chair.

They didn’t tie her tightly enough.

They had only just begun to wonder what they could do with her when she was able to pull herself free. It was by force of will alone she was able to muster enough strength to free herself from Mikey’s surprised grip long enough to grab the metal chair and knock Chuck over the head with it. The force of that one blow was not enough to knock him out. What did it was being knocked into the rest of the metal chairs where they hung on one end of the shed. He was on the floor and out cold dropping the flood light and shattering the bulb. Johnny and Mikey never actually saw what happened next. What they described to the staff later on was that in the pitch blackness they heard a hoarse screaming and constant rhythmic banging as the chair hit something solid over and over again. They never intervened; they took off running in the other direction. Even after the shed door opened and poured evening light into the small room Bekah didn’t stop. She just kept on brining that chair home. It didn’t matter that she could see what she was doing now (because in reality she wasn’t seeing anything anymore). It didn’t matter that she could get away. There was no where to run from this and with one Keenan down the world would be a better place.

Serendipity shook off the memory. Her knuckles were turning white form gripping the edges of the sink so tightly. She took a few deep breaths, regained her center and stood up straight. She gave one last look in the mirror and made up her mind. Something had to change if she was ever going to be in control again. She fixed her reflection with a steely glare. She had to ask. She’d made up her mind. She was going to do it. With another deep breath she headed for the door. An older lady with skin the color of hot cocoa stood at the sink closest to the door. She was staring like Serendipity was a bull dyke in a Southern Baptist Church. Serendipity kept walking.

She came out of the bathroom and into a small truck stop on the highway. It had a Burger King, a Cinnebun, a Starbucks, and a little gift shop. She made straight for the BK and bought herself the largest cup of coffee they had. As she was leaving she looked peered through the metal bars that told her the gift shop was closed. Florida. She was in Florida. She trusted End, but she hadn’t stopped to ask where they hell they were. She stared out the glass doors of the entrance way and saw him leaning against the back of the truck holding Bedlam in his arms. The sight overwhelmed her with both joy and fear. She readied herself and walked out the doors to the car. She handed him a tall steaming coffee and smiled weakly.

“Hey End. I need to ask you something...”

Serendipity stared at her son. The slow humming of the old beaters engine had rocked her child to sleep for some ten days now. They would have to stop soon. The car wasn’t always warm enough at night and they’d have to stop at shitty motels just to keep the baby warm. He was a pale pink color. The color of newborns. His eyes were puffy and his hands were so tiny. Serena couldn’t help herself, she kissed his forehead. He was so damn cute. And so wonderful. She was his. Her own little boy.

She rocked the baby in her arms and looked absently around her. She was in the back of a gutted 1998 GMC Savannah. She was sitting on a small twin mattress, looking out the passenger back seat window. She could feel End – her only other companion – like a warm presence on the other side of the seat. All around were baby things, spare clothes, food, a cooler. It was bleak, but it was all she had for now. She’d been tired since the birth. She supposed it was because she didn’t have her strength up after...

"I won’t think about it." She thought. There was a high price for freedom and she’d paid it just days before giving birth. She still felt like there was blood on her hands. Just the night before there had been horrible nightmares about reaching out to her baby and dripping blood down his soft pink skin. She shook the nightmares away, her thoughts returning to the little one.

“Bedlam.” She whispered to him. “I’ve decided on your name. I’m sorry it took so long, but I’ve finally made up my mind. I think I’ll call you Alexander. After all, he was great.” She kissed his forehead again and wondered why people always kiss babies on the forehead. An odd thought, but she let it go. Another odd thought occurred to her. Somewhat unsettling that she, like her father, had chosen a shadow name for her child before ever choosing a real name. Again, she let it go. There would be time for doubt and self loathing later. In the last week Serena felt nothing but joy. Joy in the arms of her beautiful baby boy.

“Hey End. I’m gonna take a nap.” She called to her counterpart behind the wheel. As she began to doze off her thoughts wandered back to the front seat. Would she tell him? It was very likely he already knew. How long could she keep him around. If she told him, would he run away? Did she need him? Of all the unanswered questions, the last one seemed to float around the forefront of her consciousness most.

”Do we need him?” She wondered at the child. Something prickled on the back of her neck and she could almost feel him think back and resounding ’Yes.’